Awkwardness

I am so scared to talk
To ask, to react, to wait, to listen, to understand the simple things 
that people easily converse about.
Its not like I do not like to listen,  
Its not like I do not like to share, 
Its not like I do not like to question,
Its the way I have been known, addressed continually
I am expecting a lot more from my people that they should ask, 
I would calmly listen,
They should guess and 
I would respond 
There. is a gap of my initiative to respond to surroundings
I love being in my own world until someone makes me realise I am doing something out of the world 
Thats not the way to do.
Thats not the time to be quiet.
Thats such a simple thing to understand .
But you know what you do not want to change .
You have ego bigger than to converse right thing right at the face.
You have an image of being good.
You act as if they are going to give you an award.
It is not the way to be. You behave fake.
Why do you do that though.
You want to do many things but do not really want to do them.
Right when you are not sorted from your mind then no one can 
really sort you unless you do yourself.

Just like no can walk in your shoes.
But I used to walk in my mum's shoes when I was a kid.
As a kid I have been raised very well. 
I used to be taken to garden's many did not have that opportunity to go.
I know what it feels like when you want and you get one.
And also when you want one and do not get one.
There is lot of mess in this writing also.
But this is what I am 
A real MESS that leads to Awkwardness.